The Power of Love

This past weekend, Ian and I went to Chicago to meet our niece, Sophia, for the first time and to celebrate her Baptism. She is such a beautiful, precious little girl. I wished we'd had more time to spend with her, but I'm sure I'd probably feel that way no matter how long we were there! It really was wonderful to spend some time with family. My job has truly made me appreciate the family Ian and I have and how much love and support we have from our family and friends.
I have started seeing clients for therapy in addition to doing assessments. There are two people who have truly touched my heart this week. For some random reason, all of my therapy clients are girls between 7 and 9. One of my girls (9 year old) actually came into my office during my 2nd week there (before she was even on my case load) and introduced herself. She is sweet and energetic and full of life. This was the day after her birthday and she'd gotten $11 for her birthday from her aunt. She said she wanted to by a cell phone so she could call her friends. I found out later that her family does not have a phone in their home. The next week, I found out that her parents took her $11 and used it to buy cigarettes and beer. They had a birthday party for her, but she said it was a "grown up party" without any kids. Our program uses community support workers who usually spend about 3-4 hours a day with the clients in our after school program and out in the community. Her worker told me that the client was staying with her aunt this week and that she was excited she was going to have a big meal. The worker also said that she'll sometimes buy snacks for the client, but the little girl won't eat much of them so she can save some for her siblings. Her father abuses her mother and has hit the girl in the past, but there wasn't enough evidence for DSS to remove her from the home.

The second person is a young man who is 29 years old and a paraplegic. He was shot in the back 12 times several years ago when he turned around to walk away from an argument with someone. That someone happens to have been the nephew of the sheriff and the case was ruled as self-defense. The client hasn't been getting the proper medical care, so he's having a lot of truly unnecessary complications. He said he had wanted to go to college and become a counselor so he could help kids. Now he spends almost every single day in his house. He blames himself for the shooting and feels tremendously guilty for the burden he has become to his mother. I recently read A Long Way Gone about a boy soldier in Sierra Leone. During his rehabilitation, the staff kept repeating to all of the boys, "It's not your fault." This came to mind as the client and I both teared up. I did say that to him, but just like the boy soldier, I think he is going to need to hear that over and over before he will ever be able to believe it himself.

Person-centered psychotherapy is one of the big schools of thought in terms of how people grow and can benefit from the therapeutic process. Carl Rogers, who developed this style, believed that people have an "actualizing tendency" that - if the conditions are right - will propel us towards development and becoming fully ourselves. He said that there are three things in the therapeutic relationship that are necessary and sufficient for this to occur: genuineness, empathy, and unconditional positive regard. Unconditional positive regard means that the therapist must demonstrate true caring for and acceptance of the individual at that moment, regardless of what the client is feeling or experiencing. I remember saying to my theories teacher that I absolutely understood how this was necessary for therapy to work, but I just didn't know that I believed those three things on their own were truly sufficient for healing to occur. She said that sometimes, that truly is all that is needed. I still didn't believe her. A few weeks ago, I was so worried about techniques and what activities I was going to do in my therapy sessions. Now that I have seen more of what my clients are experiencing in their daily lives, I truly do believe that the best thing that I can do for my clients is to love them, to genuinely express an unconditional positive regard for them. (Mandy, you were right on the money!) I guess that's what they mean by the "power of love."